Over the past few days, I went through hundreds of the 3,000+ Black Lives Matter protests compiled by Elephrame. This was intended to be a meditation on my own privilege, as I wrote down the names of Black individuals who lost their lives to racism, white supremacy, and police brutality.

As often as possible, I read about each case—who they were, how they died, who killed them, and what happened in the aftermath. With each additional mark I made on the page, I contemplated those who died without protests, hashtags, public outrage, or a single article written about them.

The process was uncomfortable, and well, that’s kind of the point!

White people need to stop being comfortable with being comfortable. Being an anti-racist ally is not compatible with escapism, avoidance, and silence. I have been guilty of all of these things in the past, and I’ll say, it does not feel great to admit that about myself. Rather than let that guilt swallow me whole and push me further into a cocoon of shame, I’m challenging myself to actively do more.

At the same time, I struggle to define what it means to “do more”.

I recognize that it’s not enough to spend 3-4 days listening, learning, reflecting, and creating a well-intentioned piece of art that ultimately does nothing. I’ve looked to resources on how to help, and in response, I’ve signed petitions, donated, attended a local protest, and made a commitment to continue educating myself.

It still doesn’t feel like enough, and well, that’s kind of the point!

Being an ally is constant work. It will never be enough, because we cannot undo 400 years of inequality overnight. “Enough” is not a concept that exists when the list of Black lives taken by violence continues to grow longer and longer. We must listen, we must fight, and we must continue asking how we can do more.